When I first decided to leave a thriving fashion career in New York about 13 years ago, one of the main reasons was to be near my sister who was going to be having a baby soon.

It was definitely not an “A-HA” moment where I was suddenly the girl in the Lichtenstein painting that declares in her thought bubble “Hey, I forgot to get married and have babies.”

I simply was ready to be near my family again.

What I wasn’t ready for was the feeling of being left behind.

While I was away pursuing my dream of being a fashion designer, I didn’t remember making the conscious decision NOT to get married and have a family. It just kind of evolved.

In New York you are surrounded by a mass of humanity. They’re a blur of faces, individual and a mass at the same time. But, I was one of them. We were making it together in a harsh city.

When I moved home or back into suburbia, I was suddenly defined as single, never-been-married, no kids. Basically, an undefined life, by the standards of my new surroundings.

And it has remained so for the last 12 years. As my sisters’ and brother’s families grow, I’ve become a doting aunt. Sometimes I hold that new baby or hug my grown niece and think wow, I’ll never have one of my own. I even shed a few tears over it. But, truthfully, it doesn’t weigh me down for hours on end. I move onto my own goals and endeavours and try to be a good example and productive member of society. Trite but true.

Funny thing is, I found with a lot of Moms that they sometimes feel like they’re on the inside looking out. They love their family. They love being a Mom. Yet, sometimes, my freedom to make my own decisions, run off to the wine country, stay out for dinner and a movie, without talking it over with a spouse, rearranging day-care, soccer practice or worrying about skipping laundry for the day (or week), looks enticing.

Stop right there if you think I am lumping all moms/married women into a Stepford Wives community of lifeless zombies with no control. I have the highest respect for what Moms do and how hard it is. Harder than I can imagine without ACTUALLY having kids, as I am often told by women with kids (note: this is REALLY annoying to hear- it goes without saying- so don’t say it.)

This is not an us against them situation. Just like most things in life- there are pluses and minuses on both sides of the fence. I created La Dolce Diva to reinforce that point and to go a step further- Embrace it.

Whatever your “defined” status, women and girls need to support each other. Remind each other of their own personal inner individual identity – not one that society places on us.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 9th, 2009 at 9:43 am and is filed under all, daily diva. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.