Motherhood: An Outsider’s Viewpoint
Posted by La Dolce Diva on Nov 9, 2009 | 5 comments

When I first decided to leave a thriving fashion career in New York about 13 years ago, one of the main reasons was to be near my sister who was going to be having a baby soon.
It was definitely not an “A-HA” moment where I was suddenly the girl in the Lichtenstein painting that declares in her thought bubble “Hey, I forgot to get married and have babies.”
I simply was ready to be near my family again.
What I wasn’t ready for was the feeling of being left behind.
While I was away pursuing my dream of being a fashion designer, I didn’t remember making the conscious decision NOT to get married and have a family. It just kind of evolved.
In New York you are surrounded by a mass of humanity. They’re a blur of faces, individual and a mass at the same time. But, I was one of them. We were making it together in a harsh city.
When I moved home or back into suburbia, I was suddenly defined as single, never-been-married, no kids. Basically, an undefined life, by the standards of my new surroundings.
And it has remained so for the last 12 years. As my sisters’ and brother’s families grow, I’ve become a doting aunt. Sometimes I hold that new baby or hug my grown niece and think wow, I’ll never have one of my own. I even shed a few tears over it. But, truthfully, it doesn’t weigh me down for hours on end. I move onto my own goals and endeavours and try to be a good example and productive member of society. Trite but true.
Funny thing is, I found with a lot of Moms that they sometimes feel like they’re on the inside looking out. They love their family. They love being a Mom. Yet, sometimes, my freedom to make my own decisions, run off to the wine country, stay out for dinner and a movie, without talking it over with a spouse, rearranging day-care, soccer practice or worrying about skipping laundry for the day (or week), looks enticing.
Stop right there if you think I am lumping all moms/married women into a Stepford Wives community of lifeless zombies with no control. I have the highest respect for what Moms do and how hard it is. Harder than I can imagine without ACTUALLY having kids, as I am often told by women with kids (note: this is REALLY annoying to hear– it goes without saying– so don’t say it.)
This is not an us against them situation. Just like most things in life– there are pluses and minuses on both sides of the fence. I created La Dolce Diva to reinforce that point and to go a step further– Embrace it.
Whatever your “defined” status, women and girls need to support each other. Remind each other of their own personal inner individual identity — not one that society places on us.





I will be the first, second and third to admit that I’d love to scoot off to wine country at will and take in movies when I feel like it. I miss those days! This doesn’t mean I don’t love my family or that I’m not blooming where I’m planted. Just means that for a free spirit like me who loves spontaneity and independence, having to deny myself for others is difficult sometimes. It’s easier now that my kids are older (6 and 8), and I am totally blessed to have a husband who enjoys watching me do what makes me happy. It was really hard when my kids were infants and toddlers, especially since I was running a business at the same time. Now *that’s* when I shed most of my tears! Thanks for this honest and insightful post.
Thanks for responding DM. Running a business and a family is definitely something that would cause some stress and perhaps tears
I often think it’s a good thing I only have cats and horse– I don’t think I could manage a family too.
Other times, I think it would be a good thing to have the “distraction” of a family. Sometimes having your own businesses can suck you in and you live in a vacuum finding it hard to have an actual life.
AMEN Sister. And that comes from a mom of 6! I have a cuz with no children, we’re envious of each other! Trade offs are good.
Great blog post, Jennifer. I love seeing the “heart” of another entrepreneur. I’m a “single mom” so I am somewhere in between being SWOK (single w/o kids) and MWK (married with kids). Hmm, guess that means I’m a SWK.
Can’t imagine my life without my kids. I had always planned on marrying and having children. Needless to say I did. I have Jennifer her two sisters and her brother. Now I have three grand daughters and three grand sons… and Jennifer has six devoted nieces and nephews. Jennifer has a gift and that gift is the ability to relate to each child at their own age level and they are totally enamored of her. What lucky children to have their Aunt Jennifer to love and nurture them when ever she is with them or just thinking about them.
Jennifer may not have given birth but they are all her children.